Have you ever heard of someone cheating because their partner cheated first or because their partner was difficult and argumentative? I have. I have heard of couples fighting and one, or both, cheating on their partner because they were tired of dealing with the unresolved issues between them.
It never feels good being in a relationship that becomes problematic or that is going through a tough time. We all have to individually face difficult times in life that are completely out of our control. Being with someone you’re currently not getting along with can become an added strain in your life. It can be so draining and hurtful, especially when your partner is pushing you away instead of coming together to figure out a solution.
This is usually when we find comfort in other things or sometimes other people. Sometimes when we find comfort in other people, it can remind us of how things used to be with our partner. And while being vulnerable, we can make the mistake of cheating. With all of this being said, does this justify cheating? Absolutely NOT.
But My Partner Cheated First
Cheating can never be justified no matter how anyone puts it or why it happened. It is never justifiable. If you remember reading my previous post, After S/He Cheats, you will recall me saying once your partner has cheated on you, you have to make a conscious decision of whether to continue or discontinue the relationship.
If you choose to discontinue the relationship, you should cut off all ties and work on healing and becoming better. But if you believe your relationship is worth fighting for and decide to continue, you have to put your ego aside for the sake of the relationship. This means you and your partner must face the issue(s) together. You must work on healing and allowing him or her to gain your trust again.
So this means you forfeit “getting back” or seeking revenge to make him or her feel the pain you feel. Therefore, cheating would not be justifiable in this situation. And remember, if you do not believe you can endure the pain your partner has put you through, love yourself enough to walk away. Why stay in a relationship to make your partner pay when you could be working towards healing, growing, and preparing for the relationship God has for you?
But My Partner is so Difficult
Can you justify cheating if your partner is giving you a hard time and making your relationship no longer a peaceful aspect of your life? Again, no. When in a relationship, you will likely go through many ups and downs. When those downs come around, I believe there is something to be learned in that situation. Whatever there is to be learned should make you a better person.
Maybe the problem(s) the two of you are facing means you need to acquire better communication skills. Or if your partner is going through a difficult season in their life, and it is negatively affecting your relationship, perhaps God is challenging you to be a more patient and supportive person. Hypothetically, once that difficult season is over for your partner, he or she will be able to see how patient and supportive you were during that season. They will then appreciate you more and your relationship will bear more fruit, producing a stronger love and bond for one another. Is that not the point of being in a relationship?
I think many times we forget that God can use any situation to make us a better person. Being in a relationship should induce growth on both ends. In the hypothetical situation above, perhaps one learns to be more patient while the other learns how to manage a difficult season better.
Cheating Is Always a Choice
I do not think it is okay for someone to cheat and cheating always has everything to do with the cheater. Cheating never has anything to do with the person who got cheated on. Yes, the person who got cheated on can push their partner to the point of wanting to cheat, but it is always the cheater’s choice to cheat. There is always another solution.
If your partner is being difficult and this is not typical behavior, perhaps they need support. Communicate and come up with a solution and remember why you chose to be with them in the first place.
If your partner is problematic, they’re not adding peace to your life, etc., and that is your reason to cheat, the bigger question or problem is why are you still with that person. Why would you continue to be with a person who is not adding value to your life? The best solution would be to discontinue that relationship. If you choose not to and think cheating is the better solution, then perhaps the issues lie within you. Whatever is causing you to be attached to something unhealthy is within you. You should work towards understanding what that is and face it. It could be low self-esteem or fear of starting over.
This could also reveal that you may have gotten into the relationship for the wrong reasons. I have met people staying in an unhealthy relationship because their partner makes a decent amount of money. I have also met people who stay because their partner is extremely attractive, and that was the only positive thing they had going for themselves. Whatever is uncovered, face it and realize you deserve better. No amount of money and beauty should outweigh your mental health and how you should be treated.
But Is It That Easy To Walk Away?
I understand this is a practical response and not every situation is that easy. Some relationships involve children and other assets that may make it difficult to just walk away and easier to just say “forget it” and cheat. I also understand some are married and do not believe in divorce. If that is the case, you made a vow before God and should not believe in cheating either.
Sometimes we are put in tough situations. It feels like no matter which way we go there is a hard decision before us. Sometimes we just have to pick which hard decision we are going to live with. It is hard being in a relationship and having to deal with difficult situations, especially if you or your partner are not equipped in handling conflicts or finding healthy solutions. But it is also hard facing the consequences of cheating and making the matter worse. You are only adding to the problem, leaving you and your partner more issues to deal with. So choose which hard battle you would rather face.
Whatever your situation may be, do not allow it to make you compromise your character. If you consider yourself a loyal, honest, trustworthy, and faithful person, doing anything outside your character makes you a hypocrite. Find another solution (God) to avoid those temporary highs, so you can be able to say, “I was faithful throughout the entire process.”
Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️
Loving
Yourself
Is
Beautiful
