On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest, how would you rate your relationship with yourself? I would rate myself at a solid 10, but I would not have always rated my relationship so high. Building a relationship with myself was not something I was taught. It wasn’t even a thing to me. It was something I had never even thought of, but as I sat back and began to reflect on how I felt about myself, I began to see I needed to work harder at building with me.
Sounds weird, huh? I at least thought it was weird. As I mentioned in my prior blog post, Building Your Relationship With God, the Bible teaches us to love people as ourselves. Many of us, including myself, have been taught to love our neighbors but not love ourselves, so how do you even begin such a task? Well, how do you love people? Here are a few things you can do to get started.
Use Your Third Eye
No, I’m not talking about the Illuminati. I like to look at myself from the third point of view. When we focus so much on seeing ourselves from our own point of view, or in the first person, it is hard to see just who we really are. I look at myself as if I were my own friend in the third person. I reflected on everything Jasmine, myself, went through at such a young age. Despite everything, she still loves, she still hopes, she still wants the best for people. I began to admire that about her, and I began to applaud her strength from God. This has helped me begin to see her, or me, how God sees her. I then began to see just what I actually deserve, and I believe I deserve everything He has for me.
Dig deep and see yourself as another person. If you were someone else and you met yourself, what would you truly think about yourself? How would you advise yourself? What would you say? Or imagine meeting someone who had the exact same story as you. What would you say to that person? Would you say they are strong? Would you tell them they deserve better? What would you say to that person? Would you applaud them for getting this far in life despite the little they had or despite the trauma they had to endure?
Sometimes it is easier for people to encourage others but harder to encourage themselves. Sometimes it takes seeing yourself from a third point of view or as someone else to realize what’s in you.
Protecting Your Inner-Child
What is your perspective on children? Are they innocent? Sweet? Do you think they deserve the best chance to reach their fullest potential? Should they be protected and cared for? Do they deserve respect, love, and a chance to grow from their mistakes without guilt or shame? If you answered yes to all the above, at what point do you realize you were once a child too, and at what point did you decide you no longer deserved those things?
Children are usually fearless, outspoken, bright, hopeful, and full of dreams, but even the most protected child has to face the world at some point. The world is a hard place. Its reality can easily suck the life out of people causing them to be fearful, silent, dim, hopeless, and only living to survive. Sometimes these people are our parents or guardians, and they unknowingly, or consciously, suck the life out of their children, us. What we once dreamed to do and become as a child becomes nothing more than a dim light. But a dim light is still a light, and it is better than no light at all.
I remember as a child dreaming of becoming a fashion designer. I collected magazines and catalogs to draw the clothes I would see. At ten, I told my dream to someone important to me and that person told me I could never be a fashion designer. My bright light became dim, and I grew up into a woman still carrying that dim light of a dream.
I majored in many things while I was in college. I had many jobs only to wrestle with what I deeply desired, to be a fashion designer. But I realized my dim light and my inner-child remained a part of me. She was locked in a room where I left her at the age of 10 still holding on to the desire of pursuing fashion. I felt it was my right to protect and honor my inner-child. I cannot allow the world to suck the life out of her. She deserves to live, to dream, to hope, and to be free. I deserve to live, to dream, to hope, and to be free.
Where is your inner-child? Where did you leave her or him? At what age did you stop believing? At what age did you stop dreaming? When did you stop thinking you did not deserve? Go back and open the door. Apologize to your inner-child and let them know you will never let anyone hurt them again.
The Bible tells us to guard our hearts and minds. Maybe as a child, you were not well-protected, well-guarded, well-loved, well-cared for, etc. Just because you were not then, does not mean you should not be now. Our parents did the best they could and honestly, unfortunately for some of us, that best means nothing at all. We have to love and protect ourselves through God because your inner-child is still there, and we know what children deserve. You have to give yourself what your parents did or could not give you. I know it hurts, and it is hard trying to implement the things you were never given as a child or the things that were sucked out of you, but give yourself a fighting chance and try.
Trust
Have you ever lived with someone you do not trust? Imagine that person being you. For some of us, it is. We do not trust ourselves, but we are someone we have to live with every day. How do you begin to trust yourself? You have to learn how to.
When building a relationship with yourself, it really is not much different from building a relationship with someone else. That even means learning to trust yourself. As you get to know yourself (what you like, what you do not like, understanding how God designed you, etc.) you will begin to learn how to trust yourself. You will begin to trust the decisions you make for yourself because you will learn what is best for you. This effort does require God’s touch because sometimes we do not know what is best for us, but He does. In those times, we can rely on Him and trust we are always making the right decision.
Grace, Grace
As mentioned above you have to learn to trust yourself, and you have to learn to rely on God’s direction, provision, knowledge, and wisdom. I can already hear you. Well, how do I do that? How do I know I’m making the right decision? How do I know this is what God is telling me to do? Sometimes you don’t. You just have to trust and have faith in God, but in most cases, you can compare your situation to God’s word.
For example, how do I know this is the right “thing” for me? Well, does it line up with God’s purpose for you? Do you have the peace of God when deciding to choose that “thing” whatever it may be? Does it honor God and His word? If you answered yes, then that “thing” just might be for you. Pray and trust your instincts, but if you happen to be wrong, grace, grace. Give yourself grace because that is what you do when children are learning.
When God sees you making an effort to incorporate Him into your life and into your decisions, He loves that even if you get it wrong. He knows we are just dust and do not know things. That is why He is a good Father to His CHILDREN. You are still a child in His eyes, so when you mess up, extend yourself grace just as you would extend grace to a child and try again.
Discover Yourself
We all come from an infinite God. He is powerful, limitless, and the Master of creativity, so there will always be something to discover about you. What you like now can change once you discover something better. There is so much to see in the world, and in the world and through God you can discover things about yourself you did not know you could do or had inside you.
One thing about God’s standards is that they are not there to harm us. They are our potential. If we take the time to really learn and discover who we are, there is no limit to the things we can do in God according to His will. If we take the opportunity to really discover our true selves and not rush to get into relationships or situations that will distract us from ourselves, we will discover how perfect He really made us. We may even surprise ourselves, so take the time to really get to know you and challenge yourself to discover just who you really are. Your voice, your gift, your being, just may be what this world needs and this is an easy way to learn to love yourself.
Choosing Yourself
To live a selfless life means you sometimes have to be “selfish.” Choosing what is best for you benefits more than just you. If you have children, do you think your children deserve the best version of yourself or an unhappy version? Do you think the world needs another unhappy person or a person living their truest form, reaching their highest potential? When you choose yourself, you break away from any dysfunction and choose healthier options versus toxic ones. It means breaking away from toxic people and protecting your peace, but when you live your life with so much dysfunction it tends to look normal. It is not.
We have to get in the habit of choosing healthier choices to create a balanced foundation. We have to stop choosing things we know are not good for us hoping we will get a different result. Building a healthy relationship with you is loving yourself enough to choose you instead of that unhealthy thing that presents itself in front of you, so start choosing you because in reality, choosing you really isn’t selfish at all.
Building a relationship with yourself is a great way to love yourself and discover who you are. If you need more tips on self-love, be sure to check out my previous post here, and as always, feel free to comment below. I would love to read your thoughts.
Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️
Loving
Yourself
Is
Beautiful
