Ladies, have you ever dated a man with children? I was having a conversation with a man about relationships. He shared with me that his last relationship failed because his girlfriend had a hard time accepting his beautiful 10-year-old daughter, which he had prior to meeting her. She had not revealed her true feelings about him having a child with another woman until they were already in a relationship. He had been dating this woman for quite some time and had high hopes it would work out, but it did not. Before their relationship came to a complete end, they had two beautiful babies of their own.
This is not the only story I have heard concerning what single dads deal with while dating. I have met women who have had a hard time adjusting from sharing their time with just their man to now sharing their time with their man and his kids once he felt like it was time to introduce them. While these women were dating, the men made it just about the two of them when they spent time together. He most likely talked about his children, but the majority of the time he made it about the two of them getting to know one another. His attention and focus were completely on her. But I suppose she did not take the time to think she would have to share his attention once he felt like it was time for her to meet his children and become a part of their family.
If I am going to be completely honest, I think that was very selfish on the woman’s part. And I know some single mothers can relate to this when dating men who have no children. In my opinion, there are several reasons single women should not date single men who are fathers. But I am going to just name a few of them.
1. Single women should not date men with children if they are not ready to be or willing to be a mother/stepmother.
Kids are beautiful but they can be a handful. I do not have children of my own, but I have three nieces, eight nephews, and a plethora of experience, both professional and personal, working with children. The longest I have ever taken care of more than one child at the same time by myself was for about a week and that was a lot. So I can only imagine what it is like taking care of them for a lifetime. But can you imagine taking care of a child that is not yours when you are not ready for one?
I understand he is most likely a great man. He adds value to your life, is supportive, a gentleman, and takes you out and shows you a great time. Meanwhile, his baby is with his or her mom, grandma, babysitter, or whoever. What happens when your relationship goes further? You cannot just add value to him. You have to add value to the child or children as well.
And we are talking about a good man, a man that takes care of his children in every aspect possible. He is present and active in their lives. We are not talking about a man who has children, but you forget he has children because he never goes to see them, take care of them, or even talks about them. Why would you want a man like that anyway? Who wants a man that does not take care of his responsibilities?
Anyways, if you cannot see yourself adding value to his children, then stay away from that man. This also applies if the children do not live with him, or they live in a different state. Anything can happen. What if something happens and his children have to come and live with him? If you do not want to be a mom/stepmom, stay away from single men who have children.
2. Single women should not date men with children if they are only going to use the child to get on his good side.
Yes, this is a thing! Sometimes women say and do things out of the ordinary just to appeal to the man. They do extraordinary things just so he will want to be in a relationship with her! It is like when a man sends a woman flowers and treats her for lunch when working, only to stop when she decides to commit to him. He did not do all of those things because that is who he is. He did all of that to get the woman. Women do this too.
I know a woman who lied and told the man she was dating that she did not mind him hanging out with other women late at night just, so she would not appear to be the jealous type. They would, later on, argue about this once their relationship got more serious. Some women only want to play the mommy role when it is only convenient for them. They will try to get on the child’s good side and appear to be a great mother figure just to impress the man. You have to be honest with yourself. If your intentions are not pure when connecting to that child, leave that man alone.
3. Single women should not date men with children if they cannot accept that they have a child with someone else.
I think most people love the idea of being the “first” in every relationship. Most people who are serious about relationships and settling down with one person most likely had high hopes their first would be their last, especially women! We dream our first love would be the one we would share our first kiss with, our first date, our one and only marriage, our first sexual intimate experience, and our first child. But it doesn’t always work like that!
Life is not perfect, so your love story just might not be something you would see in a movie. Unfortunately, a man or woman may grow apart from their first, and the two of them may have children together. There are a lot of great men who have children. But there are also a lot of great men who do not have children. So if you meet a great man with kids, and you are one of those women who cannot get past not being the first to share a child with him, then you need to choose one of those great men without children.
There is no point in wasting time getting to know this man and him opening up to you. In the back of his mind, he is thinking you will be great with his kid(s). And in the back of your mind, you like everything about him besides the fact he has something beautiful with another woman. If you cannot get over that, leave that man alone.
4. Women should not date men with children if they are not going to make the child a priority like their man.
I have heard of women dating men with no intention of getting to know the child at all. They live and act as if the child is a roommate and not a part of the family. Then, when the child resents them, the woman acts like she just does not understand why this child does not like her. She then has the audacity to tell all her friends the child is a little demon baby trying to sabotage her relationship.
No! You are stepping onto that child’s territory, therefore, you need to show yourself friendly. The child is not to fit into your relationship with their father. You are to fit into their relationship with their father. If you are going to ignore the child and act as if she or he does not exist, leave that man alone.
You need to go into that relationship with the thought process of, “If you two are going to become one, everything he has is now yours and vice versa.” That child is now your child. You have to nurture him or her, and it is okay if you do not know how. Every parent learns how to be a parent when they become a parent. You may have an idea beforehand, but you really learn through experience. Even if you do not have to play the parent role because the child’s mother is around, be a great role model, mother figure, or companion to that child. Be the stepmom you deserve if you were in that child’s shoes. If you cannot do or be that, then leave that man alone.
5. Women should not date men with children if they are not going to accept the child as their own.
No one asked to be in this world. That child did not ask to be born. That child did not pick out their parents, and they definitely did not pick you out either! Every child deserves a chance to grow up in a healthy, happy home. If you cannot give that child that, leave his or her dad alone.
I have heard of women having children with men who already have kids, but they treat their child better than the children he had with the other woman. As I said before, that kid did not send for you nor did she or he ask to be here. If you cannot love that child as your own, then you should not feel welcome to be a part of their family. I have heard of children being mistreated by the stepmom because they belong to another woman. That child should not feel secluded or excluded because of the jealousy that lies within your heart.
Imagine if that were you. We do not need another child growing up in this already messed up world feeling mistreated by their stepmom. It is not fair to him or her, and if you truly cared about his or her dad, you would not mistreat them. There are way too many children who grow up feeling abandoned, mistreated, and unloved. If you have the opportunity to love on a child, do so even if that child is not yours. But if you are not capable of loving a child or accepting a child that does not belong to you, leave that man alone. Let him raise his child and give them the love they deserve.
Why am I saying this? Because honestly, I am that woman. I love children. I think they are special. They are so sweet and innocent. They should be protected and loved properly. I believe they deserve better than us, but I am not ready for children.
In the past, I have declined opportunities to date men with children. Some of them were great guys, but I do not want that kind of responsibility. I want to be able to go and come as I please. I am not ready for a family and I have learned that it is okay.
Some men have tried to convince me it is not okay for me to feel this way. Some have even said I do not have to have a part in the child’s life. If I were with a man who had a child, I would want to be a part of the child’s life. I feel it is the right thing to do. I also believe loving someone beautiful that came from him is an expression of my love for him even if the child is not mine.
Men have also tried to tell me the child will not make a difference in our relationship, but the child will. As I said before, anything can happen. As his partner, I am sure he would want to be able to count on me if he needs to. That means watching the kid(s), cooking, picking them up from school, being financially supportive, and so on. I do not have the capacity to do that right now, so I left that man alone.
I know that sounds selfish to some. But I think that was the most selfless thing I could have done. I thought of the child because eventually, I would most likely want to bail, but not before I became miserable after giving it my all. Kids deserve better. They do not deserve to become attached to someone just so they could leave. So ladies, if this resonates with you, leave that man alone and men, do not try to convince her to stay. Put your child first. If she is showing you signs of no interest in your child, please do not lay up with her to create another one. Be mindful. Be careful. Protect your family and be safe.
Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️
Loving
Yourself
Is
Beautiful
