Before You Cheat

Have you ever wondered why people cheat? Why are people unfaithful, especially if they consider themselves loyal and trustworthy? What would cause them to get out of character? Why would they choose to betray someone knowing it will hurt them? Are all cheaters “bad?” I have been thinking about this lately.

I have a friend that I went to school with. He and I have not seen each other in years, but we do continue to keep in touch through social media. He is very sweet, kind, funny, and he is an admirable father. 

Occasionally, he posts about the mother of his child who he refers to as “wife.” They seem to have a wonderful relationship. He seems to be supportive and loving towards her, and she appears to be a remarkable woman and mother. So why does he flirt with me sporadically? 

The Lack Within

Sometimes he makes flirtatious remarks. I usually ignore his comments or tell him to stop disrespecting the mother of his children. He usually says “I’m just playing with you.” One day I caught his bluff and decided to get serious. Our conversations turned to me telling him I sense he lacks something within himself. 

This lack is something he cannot fill, and it is nothing no one else can fill. It is a lack he cannot explain, and he does not know how to express what he is feeling. So he turns to what he knows best — women and sex. He agreed. This gave me a new perspective. It made me think of the possibilities or reasons why some people may cheat.

Are You Tempted Because You Are In Lack?

What if you had a lack you did not understand and could not fulfill? What would you do? Most of us would turn to our spouse or partner to give us what we need if we were in a relationship. But remember, this is a lack no one can fill. This lack will likely cause you stress and frustration especially since you cannot explain it and do not know what it is.

Aha, so that’s why you’re so irritable. That’s why the two of you are arguing more. You are looking for your partner to fulfill something they cannot fulfill. And now you are mad at them but don’t understand why. The problem is really within yourself, but you do not know how to address it. But now here comes a pretty or handsome little thing giving you attention. Can they fulfill your lack? No, but will you allow them to try? Possibly.

But What If?

I told my friend I could discern his lack. I cared enough to tell him he needs to search for what he needs in God. Not in me and not in other women, but let’s imagine if I did not tell him this. Let’s say I am the type of person to identify someone’s lack and take advantage of it. 

I can tell him everything he wants to hear and make him feel everything he wants to feel. I can make him feel so good he would think he is in love. Maybe what we would have would last for a day. Maybe it would last for a week or maybe even a few months. But it would not last because if I had to make a sacrifice for him and his children, I would not. I would leave him high and dry. Why? Because I do not want kids, and I would only be in this relationship to get what is best for me.