Before you read this article, if you have not read “Before You Cheat” click here!
Have you ever met someone that makes your soul speak, your heart thrive, your spirit dance, and your feet leap? Have you experienced that type of passion? That type of love? Have you ever met someone you can sit in a room with and do absolutely nothing and be satisfied? Only the sound of two heartbeats. Eyes are locked on each other while you two experience total bliss and the satisfaction of just being in each other’s presence. All you feel is the love dancing between the two of you. You’ve never felt this way before. You’ve never been so happy. Years, perhaps months, of building trust and then boom. It’s all ruined after a split-second decision. Damn.
I once met a woman who may have felt this way. She was in love. She was ecstatic. You could see the glaze across her eyes. Every time she smiled you could hear her heartbeat. That smile quickly turned the moment she learned the love of her life cheated.
Betrayal
Many of us, if not most of us, have been here before. The feeling of betrayal is not easy to overcome, but it is something you can overcome. In their situation, he still wanted to be with her. She was left with the choice of staying or moving forward without him. What do you do after you feel like your heart is broken into two, but you still want to be with that person? Would you stay or would you go? For now, I want to talk to the ladies and men who choose to stay.
Whether you are just dating or married, being cheated on is painful, but if you decide to stay you have to remember that is your decision. I have heard far too many people say they decided to stay, but every moment they could get they took the opportunity to remind their partner of their disloyalty.
If this is you, I understand. You are hurt, humiliated, and betrayed. You want him or her to experience how you feel even if it’s just a portion of your pain. I know you are angry. Your pride, your self-esteem, and maybe even your ego, have all been crushed. You wake up daily with a tug of war playing through your mind. A part of you wants to forgive and be with the one you love. The other part of you wants revenge. I completely understand, but remember you chose to stay.
What Does Choosing to Stay Mean?
Choosing to stay will not be easy, but if you do stay, perhaps that means your relationship is worth fighting for. That means you have chosen to forgive him or her and be on their side. It means you have decided to work through your pain. It also means you have chosen to only do what is right for the both of you.
This may be hard to read, but you have decided to put your pride and ego aside for the welfare of your relationship. Once we understand what it means to forgive, that’s the easy part. Forgiveness is a verb. It’s an action. It’s something you do, but forgiveness does not always have the power to relieve all your hurt and anger.
Once you say I forgive you, you may still experience pain. Forgiveness is only the beginning. The hard part is fighting the anger, pain, pride, and insecurity of believing you’re not good enough or believing he or she cheated because there’s something wrong with you.
What Does Forgiveness Look Like
I have a married friend who once told me she was guilty of bringing up the past. I reminded her she chose to stay. In her case, it has been years since her husband’s infidelity, but she still brings it up when they fight. If this is you, as I stated earlier, I understand but remember you chose to stay.
The moment you forgive and decide to continue your relationship with your partner, you are on your partner’s side. You have decided to face the mess he or she created together because you are still in a relationship with that person. It is not you VS him or her. It is you and him/her VS the problem. Now you have to come to a point within yourself to work with your unfaithful partner to reconcile your relationship.
This may be difficult, but if you want your relationship to work, you have to give them opportunities to earn your trust. You and your partner must rebuild your broken wall and repair your foundation together.
This is not an opportunity for you to build your own wall between you and your partner. This requires you to be vulnerable to them. It requires you to let your guard down a little at a time and let them back in at your own pace. This requires you to quote I Corinthians 13:5b in your heart every time you want to make your partner feel guilty by bringing it up over and over again.
Love Keeps No Records of Wrongs (I Corinthians 13:5b)
Love keeps no record of wrongs. If you choose to stay, use this as an opportunity for you two to grow stronger in love, but make sure he or she is growing. Do not use this as an excuse to forgive your cheating partner, who is not growing, only for them to hurt you again and again. With that said, if you do not see yourself enduring the pain to repair your wall and foundation with your partner, let that man or woman go. Know it is okay to do that because remember, it is your choice.
Know Yourself
This is why it is important to know yourself. If you know you cannot bear the pain of betrayal, let them go. Be honest with yourself. If you are staying for any reason other than knowing your relationship is worth fighting for (for example, you stay because you don’t want to start over, because your partner has more money than you, because you don’t want to be single, or because you are afraid of what others may say, etc.) let them go.
And if you’re going to torture your partner by reminding them daily about their disloyalty, let them go. Every time you torture them by attempting to make them feel guilty, you’re just reminding yourself of the pain he or she has caused you. Every day you spend reliving that horrible day is a day you could have used to work towards healing so that when the right person comes along, you will be ready.
Time is the one thing we can never get back once it is gone, so do not waste any more time with someone you know deep down inside you are not meant to grow with. It is just putting more distance between you and the one God has for you.
Deciding To Leave
On another note, sometimes we forgive them and allow them back into our lives only to later find out we cannot handle the hurt. Know that it is never too late to exit the relationship. You put your best foot forward and believed you could move past the betrayal, but you realized you cannot imagine yourself trusting your partner again. It’s okay, but do not allow him or her to make you feel guilty for leaving because loving yourself enough to do what’s right for your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health is what’s most important. So love yourself whether you decide to stay or go and always remember, it’s your choice.
Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️
Loving
Yourself
Is
Beautiful
