It seems like each new year has been starting off rough for the past few years. We close off the old year by spending time with our family throughout the holidays. Then we get excited about the new year. We make plans, write down goals, and prepare to make the new year the best year yet. Then all of a sudden, tragic hits. Your preparation for the new year turns into preparation for a loved one’s funeral.
Starting your year off like this makes it hard to see how you will ever enjoy the remainder of your year. It’s hard, but you certainly can have a good year. I remember starting 2012 off burying my mom. It was by far one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and it was the worst time to do it. It was one thing to grieve, but it was another thing to grieve during the winter. The cold and dark weather can have a significant impact on making tough situations worse. Below I have listed seven tips to help you when grieving.
Build Your Relationship With God
Building a relationship with God is one of the most beautiful, hard, and poetic things one can do. It is beautiful to become one with the One who created you. To me, it’s like listening to a beautiful song, perhaps one by Hans Zimmer. In the song, there are moments when angelic notes are playing. Then there are moments when the music grows with intensity, and you anticipate something big, something beautiful. But then, maybe there’s a part of the song you just don’t understand, or maybe there’s a part of the song you don’t want to end, and you just want more. That’s when things get hard.
When my mom first died, I was angry, yet in love with God. Our relationship was messy, and it may be messy at times in the future, but He was patient with me. He showed me things about death I would have never understood on my own. He loved me through that process, and that is what makes it beautiful.
As hard as it is to see our loved ones go, I have learned to find peace in death. It took me seven years to find peace with my mother’s death, and it took me seven years to be happy for her. It may take you longer, or it may not. However long it takes, do it with God. Like me, He will show you things that will bring you comfort and that will bring you peace, but that does not mean you won’t cry. That does not mean you will not experience sadness. You will, but you will have peace, and that is important to have.
Honor Your Loved One
This is the second most important thing you can do for yourself and your loved one. A lot of times, we feel guilty for smiling and laughing after someone has died. We feel like we should be sad because they are no longer here, but do you really think that is what they would want you to feel?
I remember reading Exodus 20:12 after my mom passed away, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” I remember wondering “what does that look like for me now that she is gone.” I came to the conclusion that my mom wouldn’t want me to be full of despair and misery. She would want me to live my life, accomplish my goals, to love, and to be at peace, so I decided to honor my mom by doing just that. I did the work, and I continue to do the work.
Grieving isn’t easy, but it is necessary, and we must continue the process. So push forward and do what you have to do to get through this in a healthy way. Do what you have to do to heal and laugh again. Life isn’t all that bad. It’s worth living for, so get up. Smile. Love. Try. Fight. Someone out there needs to see you overcome, so they may know that they can overcome the pain as well. It would be unfortunate for you to not reach your full potential of happiness.
Surround Yourself With Positive People
This is one of the most apparent things to do, but it can be one of the most complex things to do as well. I spent much time alone processing my mother’s death, but I had support as well. Surrounding yourself with optimistic people can spark something inside you. It can make you smile and laugh and give you hope that one day things will get better.
Even if it is just for an hour or so a day, reach out to someone positive, and make sure you surround yourself with positive energy. This includes the music you listen to, the shows and movies you watch, and the people you follow on social media. It all has an impact on your well-being.
Counseling
We all, even though most won’t admit, need extra help, and that is perfectly fine. If you needed help moving into your new home, would you struggle alone? Would you call for help if you needed help fixing your flat tire? If you were struggling financially and on the verge of losing everything, would you not fight for it? Why not fight for your mental health by any means, even if that means getting the extra help you deserve? Sometimes it takes processing your thoughts out loud with someone who can help guide you, and that is perfectly fine. It does not make you weird or crazy. I will go into further details about this in a later post, but for now, consider getting the help you deserve.
Getting As Much Sun as Possible
Did you know the sun can instantly uplift your mood? If you are in a dark place, staying in darkness won’t make the darkness go away. And since it is winter, the sun does not stay out very long, so wake up early and take advantage of the sun and daylight for as long as you can.
Be Aware of Things That Trigger You
Being aware of what triggers you is important. This means you have to get to know yourself. Periodically, we can get into a sour mood, or as we like to call it, “in our feelings.” Sometimes we don’t understand how we got there. It could have been something you read, heard, or saw. Do your best to observe what things bother you and cause your grieving process to become overwhelming. Get to know you.
This week was tough for many of us who love and admire Kobe Bryant. Being on social media was too hard for me because I have learned I am very empathetic. It hurts to know that not only did he die, but his 13-year-old daughter and another family did as well. I had to take a mental break from social media and that is okay. Do what is best for you.
Acquire a New Hobby
There is nothing like finding something new to enjoy and look forward to. This could be writing, learning new languages, cooking, sewing, swimming, and so on. Whatever you do, just do something that will help you find a new positive norm.
Grieving is a difficult part of life. It is a tough battle in your mind. Sometimes you may feel like you aren’t going to make it. Sometimes you may feel like you want to give up, but you didn’t. You finding my page and reading this tells me there is a fighter in you. Pulling yourself out of a dark place takes a lot of strength. Be encouraged and recognize how strong you are if you had to pull yourself out today, yesterday, or ever. You are strong and worth fighting for even if it is just you fighting. You can do this. We can do this. You are not alone. It would be a lie if I told you I didn’t have to fight. We got this.
Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️
Loving
Yourself
Is
Beautiful
