Imagine a perfect relationship. It does not matter what kind of relationship you think of. It can be a romantic relationship, a relationship with a family member, a friendship, etc. What would make that relationship perfect? Would it be the respect and love you would have for one another? The quality time you spend together? The random but thoughtful acts of kindness shown to each other?

I’m sure it would be all the above and more, but imagine what would happen if you did not have those things. What if your significant other began to disrespect you? How would you feel if they stopped spending time with you and if they put their job, their family, friends, and everything in between before you? I am sure you would feel horrible. I am sure you would feel unloved, unworthy, and neglected, and that is exactly how you feel when you do not practice self-love. 

In my previous post I talked about how we are made of three different entities, soul, spirit, and flesh, but a lot of times people pay so much attention to satisfying their flesh they neglect their soul and spirit. Well, your soul and spirit need just as much attention as your flesh does. You cannot eat food and expect your soul and spirit to be completely satisfied. Practicing self-love is giving well-balanced attention to all three entities. Here are a few ways you can satisfy all three.

Spirit

If you recall, your spirit is what connects you to God, so feeding your spirit is doing things that will make you closer to God.

Praying

Having a good prayer life is important. You do not have to use big fancy words. Just talk to God with respect. Prayer is simply having a conversation with God. Pour your heart out to Him. Once you are done saying what you have to say, do not be so quick to get up and leave the conversation. He may have something to say if you listen.

Read Your Bible

I know what you’re probably thinking. The Bible is boring or hard to understand. Pray and ask God for understanding, and if you do not want to read the Bible, do not feel ashamed. Most people do not want to read the Bible, but did you know you can ask God to give you the desire to want to read and learn from it? The Bible is actually pretty interesting if you give it a chance. I have learned so much about God, this world, and even myself. It has given me peace and understanding for not only my life but other people’s lives too. Where do you think all the wisdom and knowledge I share with you comes from? 

Praise and Worship

I have never really been into singing, but I know God loves when we sing to Him, so I sing. I have never really been into Gospel music, but when you love someone, you should be willing to try new things for them. This includes God. There are a few Gospel songs I really like, so I play them and sing to God as I praise and worship Him. I allow His love to wash over my soul and spirit. There are other ways to praise and worship God. Praise, in short, means to give thanks, and worship means, in short, to magnify or give devotion to God. Some people show their thanks and devotion through dancing, writing, painting, etc. 

Spend Time With the Holy Spirit 

The Holy Spirit is our Helper. The Holy Spirit guides us and gives us direction. The more you dwell in the Spirit, the more you get to know God and understand what He wants you to focus on in each season.

Soul

Do you feel unloved, neglected, unwanted, hopeless, etc.? That is your soul crying out for attention. If you recall, your soul is who you are. It is what carries your emotions, and when it does not get attention for some time, it begins to feel bad. I like to think of myself in the third person. There are things my soul needs to feel important. I look at myself as a friend, and yes, I sometimes talk to myself as if I am my friend.

When I am “feeling some type of way,” I ask myself, “Jasmine, what do you need? Do you need some attention? Love?” And I go to God for emotional fulfillment, or I look within myself for whatever I need, or through the many resources God has provided me (healthy friendships, family members, etc.). There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to someone to get emotional support as long as it is a healthy relationship, and you are not solely depending on that person to give it to you.

It is important to be able to give yourself what you need when you need it. We are flawed and sometimes the person you are depending on to give you love is not in a place to give that to you. But if you were solely dependent upon them to give it to you, you will never get what you need. That is why it is important to learn to take care of yourself. Treat yourself like the friend, sister, or brother you deserve by:

Carving Out Some Me Time

Every time you put yourself last, your soul or inner being takes note of that. If you are constantly putting others or putting work before yourself, it becomes draining. Every time those “others” or work comes around, your mind will internalize how you are putting those things before you and they may become unenjoyable. What was once something you enjoyed or did not mind doing may become something you hate doing because you are constantly neglecting yourself for other things. When this happens, you may find yourself irritated and snapping at people for no reason, especially if they are one of the people you always put first. If you do not take time for yourself, there will always be a constant battle within yourself, so put yourself first sometimes. What you do during that time will be different for everyone, but it should always be a treat. 

Treat Yourself

Do you sometimes feel guilty about treating yourself? Well, don’t. If you had a very good friend, would you not treat them? If you are constantly telling yourself “no” to having nice things you see, remember your inner being will take note of that, and you may start to feel like you do not deserve nice things, or you can never have nice things. Sometimes we use excuses like I have so many bills to pay, or I do not really need it.

Now I am not telling you to be irresponsible, but I am telling you to make a plan that will give you the ability to treat yourself sometimes. You can start a “self-love” or a “fun” account. Take a few extra dollars here and there and start a savings account or a savings jar. Put money in there every week/month and dedicate that money to treating yourself to something nice, and do not feel guilty about doing it. You deserve nice things.

Do What Makes You Feel Good as a Woman or Man

The world definitely knows how to suck the life out of you if you allow it to. Sometimes things get so bad we lose focus and stop doing things that make us feel masculine or feminine. As a woman, I enjoy doing “feminine” things. I enjoy painting my nails, wearing lipstick, taking care of my skin and hair, having girl time with friends, going to the spa, shopping, etc. I enjoy these things as a woman, and it makes me feel good as a woman. When my nails are painted, it makes me feel girly, and I like that feeling, but when I work so much and do not make time to do the girl or feminine things I enjoy doing, I lose that feeling. What do you enjoy doing as a man or a woman? Whatever it is, make sure you make time to do it. 

Listen to Soulful Music

I have said this before. I listen to good music to get my spirits up. When I was depressed, I listened to J. Cole’s Intro to Forest Hills Drive a lot. It got me through tough times. I listened to music by artists I could relate to and to ones who got through what I was going through at the time, but I am careful about what I listen to. If you are going through a tough time like a bad breakup, you do not want to listen to music that will constantly make you feel sad or remind you of how hard this time is.

Words are powerful. It is okay to listen to something that relates to how you feel now, but make sure you listen more to music that relates to how you want to feel in the future. For example, if you are going through a bad break-up, and you are listening to an artist who made music about how they felt during their bad break-up, that is fine, but spend more time listening to positive music by an artist who overcame all the emotional pain their relationship may have made them feel.

Words of Affirmation 

Someone once told me that God calls Himself “I Am,” and that if we are to be in His image, what we attach to our “I am” matters. If you are saying things like “I am so dumb,” that does not line up with God’s “I Am,” or who He is. What you say about yourself matters, so before you attach dumb, stupid, ugly, fat, etc., to God’s name, “I Am,” think twice. Here are a few affirmations you can begin with: 

I am beautiful. 

I am smart.

I am powerful. 

I am lovable.

I am the best current version of myself.

Try New Things

Exploring is so important. Trying new things will help you to discover new things about yourself. This gives you an opportunity to learn new likable things about yourself which feels good to the soul.

Set New Goals

Goals are all about growth and challenging yourself. Make sure you have new goals, so you can continue growing and trying new things. Setting and reaching goals will help you gain more confidence, learn new skills, and give you more reasons to love yourself.

Live With Purpose/Meaning

Have you ever done something and it left you feeling empty or unfulfilled? Well, that usually happens when you do something that, 1. does not fit your purpose, and 2. has no meaning attached to it. You kind of just do it just because or because you have to, and you just go through the motions. Need an example? This is what happens when you have meaningless sex with someone you are not completely one with or going to a job you hate just to get a paycheck. These things have no meaning attached to it, and it does not fulfill your purpose. The only way you can go about changing this is by finding out your purpose and discovering what gives you meaning.

Flesh

Our flesh, of course, is our outer shell. It is what holds our spirit and soul. When we take care of our flesh, our body feels good. Here are a few ways to keep your body feeling good.

Eating

This is the most obvious way to care for our flesh or body. When we eat healthily, our body naturally feels good. It functions correctly, and we will have plenty of energy to get through the day.

Sleeping

Who does not like to sleep? Getting your beauty rest is important. Balancing your day and doing what you can to get a full night’s rest will make your body say thank you.

Exercise

Of course, exercising or moving your body around is important. It gets your blood flowing and gaining muscles and sculpting your body into the desired shape will help you gain more confidence in yourself.

Meditation 

Meditation is good for the body, soul, and spirit. The Bible tells us to meditate on God’s word night and day. That simply means pondering it. Practicing meditating on healthy thoughts will help you keep a more balanced healthy life. You will gain inner peace and happiness. 

Hair, Skin, Teeth, Etc.

When we invest in ourselves by taking care of our skin, hair, teeth, etc. it helps us build confidence, and sometimes seeing our outer appearance look and feel good will make us feel even better inside. What makes a person feel worse about themselves? When they do not feel good about how they look. A groomed appearance can sometimes be what it takes for a person at their lowest point to get back up. That is why companies like Lava Mae were created.

I know it can be hard finding time to do things just for you, but it is essential for living and breathing the best version of you. Take care of yourself and treat yourself with love like you would the next person because you deserve it even if you do not believe you do.

Love,
Jaz ❤️❤️❤️